Mamma
by thunderbird5
Summary: For years two brothers needed to talk to their Mother about something they had carried within their hearts. Finally one of the two brothers decided that it was time to let go. The other brother wasn't far behind with letting his burden go as well.


**Disclaimer:** How I wish the boys were mine. But no, they belong to someone else.

Thanks to my unknown beta for the help.

I'm saying sorry now if there is any Grammar or any other mistakes in the story. As you all know. I'm Afrikaans and not English. So forgive and forget please? And please, please review. You lot make me smile when you review.

This story go's to JoTracy123 and everyone who loves Virgil so much.

Today ten years ago we lost our mother. It happened five days before Christmas. Alan was just a baby. He was only two years old when his mother. Our mother had lost her life. Protecting our baby brother from the ice-cold snow. When they found Mamma she looked like she was just sleeping. Dad had told us that Mamma was just taking a nap. That we'd see her again one day.

Somehow Scott, John and I knew that ... that Mamma wasn't taking a nap that she wasn't going to come home with us that day. That we would never hear her play a Christmas song for us on the piano again. That she was not going to put us all to bed after chasing us around the place that night.

I remember looking at Gordon. The little guy who was so full of life, just stood, frozen to the spot. His little green eyes wide with terror. He saw the snow come down the mountain. He saw Mamma run. He saw … saw Mamma fall down with Alan still in her arms.

Gordon tried to run to Mamma, but was stopped by our big brother Scott, who saw what the little guy was thinking of doing. I could still hear the little one scream and see him try to kick out with his little legs to try and break free from Scott's hold on him. I wanted to do the same, but when I turned around to do just that I saw my middle brother go down on his knees.

I went over to John and pulled him to his feet as someone yelled for us to run and get out of the way. How I got my brother to move, I don't really know. We all ran for our lives. I don't really remember if our Father was running with us or not. I could only hear the screams of people around me as some of them fell down, some of them were lost and some families split up in the chaos.

The next thing I remember is that my brothers and I were huddled together in one corner of a coffee shop, not too far from the mountain. Our Father walked over to us and silently ushered us out the door. Once we were outside he told us to come with him. Then he brought us to Mamma. Alan wasn't with her. They had taken him away from her. Later, we found out that Alan had been taken to hospital and that we would be going there soon to see him.

We'll never forget that horrible day when our mother had been taken from us. Gordon and Alan don't remember that day. In a way I'm glad that they don't have any memories of what happened. As I walk passed John's door I remember the years following Mamma's death. Every year on this very day our normally calm and loving brother always disappears off to heaven knows where on the island. I don't know how much he remembers of that day. I don't know if he blames himself for what happened. He doesn't open up about it when we try to talk to him. Our Father said that John would talk to us when the time is right for him. I really hope that Father is right about this.

We have a special place on the island just for Mamma. It's where I'm walking to, now. I know that my Father and brothers will follow with Grandma soon. I want to talk to Mamma before my family joins me. In the middle of a clearing I find Mamma's place. Right in the middle of the clearing is a lovely fountain which Mamma would have loved. She had a small one back at the farmhouse. The only difference is that this one has Mamma's photo engraved into it. I find the spot where I always sit when I speak to Mamma. I don't know where or how to begin to talk to her. Making sure that no one is near I begin to tell Mamma what I have been wanting to say for so many years. "Mamma, thank you for who I am today, thank you for guiding me on the right path. I'm sorry for the horrible things I said to you at times, I'm sorry for forgetting."

I can feel myself choke up. Taking a shaky breath I continue. "Mamma, you showed me love, you sacrificed. I remember all those young and ugly days you stood by my side, look at how I've changed along the way."

I can feel Mamma. I know she's listening to me. So I go on. "I know that you always believed in me, in everything I did. I know that you had dreams for all of us, but you let us follow our own dreams and I thank you for that, Mamma."

Letting out a sigh I turn and see my brother, John looking at me. His blue eyes are so soft and full of love. I know he won't tell anyone what I'm telling Mamma. It looks like he wants to say the same things that I'm saying now. Turning myself back to Mamma's fountain I begin again. "Mamma, please forgive me for the times I've made you cry, forgive me for not saying sorry when I should have said it. Forgive me for what I've done to hurt you."

I can feel John sitting down next to me, neither too close nor too far. I can smell Mamma now. It's as if she has come closer to both of us to listen to what I am saying. Closing my eyes I continue. "I'm sorry that it took me so many years to realize all of this now, now that I'm much, much older."

My voice goes and I know that I am about to break down in tears. I just have to get this message out to Mamma. I just have to tell her. "I miss you so much, Mamma, we all miss you allot."

Opening my eyes and reaching out my hand I softly touch Mamma's face. I know she's smiling at me now for opening up to her. "Mamma, I hope that this makes you smile, I hope you love the job we're doing now, saving lives, giving people a second chance at life. I hope that you're at peace with every choice I have made in my life, how I have changed."

John moved right next to me while I talk to Mamma. I turn toward him and see tears running down his face. John is crying. I don't care who sees what I am about to do, I lift my brother onto my lap and hold him close. Gently rocking back and forth I can feel him shaking with suppressed sobs. He rests his head on my shoulder and buries his face in my neck.

Something tells me that John has let go of those memories and guilt he has been carrying with him for all these years. Holding him even closer I hope that he isn't blaming himself anymore. I know now that is the reason why he didn't speak to us about it. I think he thought that we would hate him if he told us. I wonder why he blamed himself for something that wasn't even his fault.

I feel so much better. I finally got the words out that I wanted to say to Mamma. I don't care that John heard what I said to Mamma. I think that he wanted to say those words to Mamma, too. That's probably why he is crying now.

My family has arrived. I can feel them watching us. Feeling John push himself away from me, I let him go. John is now standing. Getting up I am surprised when John hugs me. He gives me a watery smile and speaks so softly that I can barely hear him. "Mamma."

I see my family nodding their heads as I turn around. They know that both John and I have finally let go of the burden we have been carrying within our hearts.


End file.
